After my last very happy post, I am now feeling bad.  For some reason, I was very nervous about picking up my dress from the bridal store.  I guess I felt that when I tried it on, that would be it–because the wedding is next week. (!)  No time for crash diets, major surgery, a major make-over, just me, pretty much how I will look on my wedding day.  And I was feeling worried about that.

So after I tried it on, I turned to the woman who zipped me up and said, completely insecurely, “Is it ok?”  She asked me when my wedding was and then imparted some advice, “Don’t eat for the next week.”  I was sort of stunned.  ”You think?”  I asked.  She nodded sagely, “Just drink water.”

Needless to say, I will not just be drinking water for the next week.  But all my fears about not being lovely enough were unfortunately confirmed by a (I truly believe!) well-intentioned lady in alterations.  I have been trying to do all the right things; I guess she just felt I could do more.  I never expected to look like a glamourous princess on my wedding day; I was however hoping for very pretty.  Perhaps after a good nights sleep I will feel the rage towards this poor lady and admire myself in the mirror for hours, but today it is not so good.

P.S. I should add that many of my friends and fiance threatened to go beat up this lady and assured me that I would look beautiful wearing a sack.  Which is why great friends and marrying the man you love is the best measure of wedding success I can think of.

I’ve taken a little hiatus from posting for awhile.  Not that I wasn’t going full tilt wedding ahead and that there weren’t things to blather on about, but I guess I needed to clear my internet head.  Now the wedding is less than one month away.  And this is what I want to say:

I am overwhelmed with joy.  And not because of my dress, the cake, or any of that bullshit.  Because it is, let’s face it, beautiful, pretty, very fun bullshit.  I am overwhelmed and close-to-tears pretty much a lot of the time because I feel so fortunate that I am going to get to marry the man I love.  It sounds so silly.  But as someone who was married before–and loved her ex–I did not know that it could feel this way.  I can’t wait to marry him, to be married to him.  I would do it in our messy living room in my pajamas this very moment.  We have a really cool officiant–I think she would be all for it.  I am excited that our family and friends will be there.  I am excited that we will have good wine, and a great DJ.  But it turns out none of it actually matters.  What matters is that I will get to be his wife and he will get to be my husband.  It turns out my wedding fantasy wasn’t Catalina after all.  My wedding fantasy was to feel honored, happy, lucky, a little nervous, and so, so much teary-eyed joy.  I hope that is what you get to feel too, because I believe it must be one of the best feelings in the world.

In an attempt to capture the full wedding dress experience, my mom and I went to a fancy schmansy wedding salon in Pasadena.  To give credit where credit is due, the saleswoman was awesome.  She and I were very clear on what would work on me and the two dresses she pulled when she got an idea of what I liked were excellent choices.  I especially enjoyed how she coerced me out on the floor to stand on a pedestal in this giant frothy dress that make me look like an albino big bird.  What a great dress!

My favorite dress was not the big bird dress, or the one that made me look like a slender column.  My favorite dress was one-shouldered and draped in tulle.  She clipped the trailing veil and the flower in my hair and I looked positively bridal.  I know that everyone would say that I looked beautiful.  I even didn’t mind the rhinestones hiding out in the center of a few small flowers around the neckline.  Too much for a garden wedding, yes, but not too, too much when your groom is in a tux.

There were only two problems: it didn’t feel fun, or celebratory, and I didn’t see how I could dance around in it.  It’s the kind of dress that is perfect for standing around and looking fetching but not so good if you want to jump up and hug the hell out of someone.  And it was $2800.  That would make it $2,300 more than wedding dress #1.  As my mom said, You can have a lot of fun for $2,300.  I have to agree.

One of my students got engaged about a week before me.  He shared the process with me a little before he did it—talked about asking her parents, getting the ring, etc.  It was really fun and I was so excited for him.  I had no idea that I would be engaged a week later.  And I was so excited to tell him!  So we just checked in—and we’ve both set dates—in June!  We’re not only engagement buddies, we’re wedding buddies as well!  I love that we can share the process and are on such a similar timeline.  His choices aren’t my choices (they are getting married at the university—which I just can’t do) but they are good ones for them.  And it’s not often that you get to bond with a student over the fact that David’s Bridal is having a sale.