November, 2009

On wedding accessories

While shopping for Xmas presents yesterday (I love shopping for presents!) at a local street fair, I saw two beautiful shiny rhinestone hair combs.  Not only were they in perfect condition, but they had these lovely be-jeweled bits dangling off them like ribbons.  They were from the 20s or 30s, the nice lady informed me.  And they were $25 each!

I didn’t buy them.  My Xmas present budget is tight, and I am NOT ENGAGED.  It was a tough internal struggle.

Anyone else?  Picture with link below…

Lovely hair combs on unlovely background

Lovely hair combs on unlovely background

On worrying

After the lovely holiday one gets plunged back into daily life.  Not that daily life is bad, but it is full of responsibilities and–often–concerns.  It seems that practically every day there is something that worries me, and sometimes that is my relationship.  How I wish I did not think about these things at all!  How I wish that I believed that it was all going to work out beautifully.  But since I already saw it not work out once, I do tend to get worried.  For example, the man I love said that if there was something bothering him in our relationship, he currently doesn’t have a guy friend out here that he feels close enough to talk to about it.  My alert level immediately goes to orange.  No close friends outside the relationship—that’s bad isn’t it?  What if we’re having problems?  Who will he talk to about them?   I asked him this; he said, “You.”

On being thankful

I can’t say how much I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving tomorrow—I don’t think I have ever looked forward to it more.  We’re making dinner with all the trimmings for our guests (including my mom): pies, turkey, cocktails, the whole nine yards.  This morning I was out picking leaves to make into a garland to decorate our fireplace!  There is a moment in every relationship where you start to create a home with someone; I am feeling that, and I am thankful for it.  When I was in elementary school they taught us a French song to sing on Thanksgiving which goes like this: “Pour ce repas, pour toute joie, Nous vous remercions Seigneur.”  Which translates roughly to: For this meal, for this joy, we thank you Lord.  I’m not particularly religious, but that is what I find myself singing today.  I hope everyone has a happy and joyful Thanksgiving!

r-Tuck-thanksgiving-rt0004

On letting him propose

The man I love is from the Midwest.  This means a lot of wonderful things, as far as I’m concerned.  I had originally thought that I needed another free spirit artist type in my life.  I do not.  Based on my current experience, I now think that I need someone with traditional values and an incredible strong work ethic.  Of course, these values can be found in all parts of the country and world, but people with Midwest experience, you know what I mean.  There is a reason they call it the heartland. 

I would like to be modern and propose myself.  But I believe that would be cheating the man I love—and me—from an experience that I believe means something to us both.

Me: I figured that being from the Midwest if you wanted to marry me, you’d let me know.

He says nothing.

Me: I mean, should I worry about that?  I’d love to let you take care of all that–

Him: Let me take care of all that.

Just what this girl wants to hear.armi_midwest_420-360

On engagement rings

When I was in college I found the engagement ring questionable at best: you give your hand in marriage and they give you a valuable rock in return?  Much in the manner of buying land from Native Americans with shinny buttons, I was sure that an engagement ring was some sort of cheat.  Or, at best, an engagement ring was some sort of signal to the world that you were worth something or your finance was worth something–so I did not want one.  I actively didn’t want one.  I felt scorn.

Cut to a few years later.  When my ex informed me that his grandmother wanted to give me her ring (actually she did, the first time she met me: “I have a ring for you!”), I was kind of excited.  And a bit embarrassed once I got it to be wearing a big, honking diamond.  I did not feel like a sell-out; I did not feel scorn.  I felt lucky.

However, the one part of The Knot I have no interest in visiting is the engagement ring section.  If I am lucky enough to be proposed by my man, he can use a piece of twine for all I care.button ring

A beautiful postcard!

Remember that vintage postcard I bought off of Ebay?  It and some of its postcard friends arrived yesterday (there were a few other postcard acquisitions).  They are sitting by my bed in a little stack.  I think this is what people mean by cultural capital: I am rich in vintage postcards!  I should put them away, like a little paper trousseau, but not quite yet…

On my third wedding party

A Spring Wedding: At home

Back where we lived in Los Angeles, we held a backyard reception for our dear LA people.  A friend did the flowers.  A friend made the delicious cake.  Another made the most amazing handmade chocolates for our joking under-the-sea theme complete with starfish and a treasure chest–a work of art and delicious!  We got sushi from our favorite sushi place and vegetarian Indian from the great place around the corner.  As always, there was too much food.  The backyard was beautiful, my mother’s tenant had hung white lights in the trees.  We said our own vows.  I wore a blue dress I had worn to my brother’s wedding.  It was a lovely event, but somehow between the fall and the spring I had lost faith in our relationship.

Photo via Apartment Therapy

Photo via Apartment Therapy

On my second wedding party

We had a celebratory wedding dinner with my extended family in Virginia in my stepfather’s family’s lake house.  This meant so much to me to celebrate with them, and we did it close to a holiday so everyone would be in town.  This was the most traditionally weddingy of the weddings: I got to rent chairs and tablecloths, work with a caterer, and order a cake!  My stepfather had plenty of folding tables, and for table decorations we had candles next to bowls of clementines, which I associate with happiness and one Christmas in Paris.  It was very, very budget and very homey and elegant, all at once. 

One thing that I really enjoyed was the favors.  I ordered these chocolate mice wedding favors because we spent summer at our log cabin near there and the cabin had many mice.  We use to sing this song as children: “Love them little mousies, them mousies I love to eat/Bite their little heads off, nibble their tiny feet.” So I got these delicious chocolate mice with adorable silk tails so we could do just that.  Except they didn’t arrive in time for the dinner (blizzard).  One of my clearest memories from this wedding is sitting around with my family the day after eating lots of chocolate mice.L.A.Burdick choclate mouse

On my first wedding party

A Fall Wedding:  It’s legal (and vintage and urban and modern…)

One my favorite books is called Happy All the Time, by Laurie Colwin.  When I started dating my ex, I found out that it was one of his favorite books, too.  We read it out loud to each other the first year we dated.  In it, the main couple goes to city hall in NYC to get married and then afterwards to Chinatown for a meal.  As an homage to this book, but also because my dear ex was rather traditional wedding-opposed, this seemed like an appropriate and low-key way to get married.  We did this in NY also because it is where his family and friends are based, as well as some of my dearest and oldest as well.  I wore a $20 white silk dress that I found in a local LA boutique (marked down because of a broken zipper) and a vintage fake fur coat with a beautiful lining I picked up at a yard sale.  We got married at city hall and then walked to Chinatown afterwards and had a wedding banquet.  I was enamored of those classic French photographs where the wedding party walks through the street after the ceremony; I had that photograph.  After the dinner, we had a huge party in my ex’s parents’ loft.  It was chic, it was personal, there was toasts; I believe there was also dancing.Le Ruban de la Mariee par Robert Doisneau

On my three wedding parties

I thought that I would describe my three wedding parties, because they are examples of how I embraced the indie, budget, modern wedding in ways that were meaningful to me. 

I found the suite of invitations, very simple off-white cards with drawing of a cake on them, at a stationary store that was going out of business.  I bought all of them for around $70.  We wrote the text for the invitations ourselves and printed them up on my ex’s work printer.  Because they were a bit monochromatic, I used a set of watercolors I had to hand-paint each of the three-layer cakes.  This was a bit time consuming, but fun.  Every guest was invited to all three parties: they could attend as many or few as they wanted.

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