Recently, I have been thinking a lot about partnership.  It is time to refinance the house, and the long and short of it is that I have a choice: I can do a loan modification by myself or I can refinance—with the man I love.  It seems that I don’t make enough money to refinance solo.  I thought I was gainfully employed, but not gainfully employed enough for mortgage companies.  The man I love offered to refinance with me when we were not engaged, and at first I said no.  I didn’t want him to have to save me—I wanted to be able to take care of my own business.  And owning a house together?  That’s a marriage, as far as I’m concerned—that’s a 30 year commitment.  Or more!  But then we talked about it some more, and it started to sound possible.  And now we are engaged, and that has changed things too.

Here’s the thing—when I bought the house, my ex wasn’t involved.  My mom didn’t want him to be, and he didn’t force the issue.  So I went through all those house-buying stages, all of which were scary for me, pretty much alone.  Sure, my mom was there, but not the man I was supposed to be establishing my future with.  That time I cried in the parking lot?  My mom told me to go home and have a glass of water.  I love her, but that’s not really the support you need, if you see what I’m saying.

I told him I don’t need him to buy in, placate my mother, or wipeout his savings.  I just want a partner—and he says we’re in this together.